Mar 27, 2007

"Psychos? No, they were not psychos. They were vampires. Psychoes do not explode when sunlight hits them, and I don't care how crazy they are."

Just watched "From Dusk til Dawn".

I still love Quentin Tarantino.

OK, I'm a HUGE Heroes fan, and when I saw this on youtube ... I just had to share.

NOTE! There is some 'images' that may disturb some viewers.

NOTE #2! System of a Down is an acquired taste, definately an acquired taste. But its a great rock band with a completely different sound in comparison to radio rock, and how the video was edited to fit the scheme of the song, it all fits quite well.

PS, with the amount of video's posted today ... the answer is yes. I did have alot of time on my hand.

Nostalgia

A couple of days ago, I happen to be surfing the net while the new Gap commercial came on the tv, you know the one I'm talking about .. the one where Claire Danes is dancing to the musical song "Anything you can do, I can do Better." (at least I think thats the title) And that got me thinking ...

The GAP ads as of late, really stick with me. And thats something that has always happened with The GAP. No matter how many commercials come and go, The GAP ads have always exuded style, originality and class by far in comparison to their counterparts.

And so, I've decided to share a few of my favorites.

"Aren't you ..."

As time approached hour 11 of my '8 hour' work day, a server asked through the pass through window of my restaurant, "aren't you kitchen supervisor anyways?"

I looked up to her as I finished her table's meal, and reassured her. "Kitchen supervisor? Yes. Kitchen bitch? NO."


... 12 hours was enough.

I don't know

Life. Its a ... thing. Really, there is no one word to describe it. For such a universal topic to discuss, it can only be described by experience; and life's experiences vary greatly from one person to the next, making life subjective. Therefore, I guess, universally speaking life is subjective.

I don't know.

And I suppose that's my main point. The one thing that I have come to learn about life in general is "I don't know". In the past two years, I've simply lived day by day. At times trying to find happiness. At others, trying to create it. And at the end of day, feeling like I hadn't found it nor created it.

(sadly, a roommate walked in while 'high', totally disrupting my entire train of thought simply because he could not shut up, and at the same time kept apologising for it. For me, that sucks, cause perhaps I was on the verge of writing something that could have been important for me; and now its gone. Here's to hoping it comes back ... but for now, I will publish what I got.)

Calvin and Hobbes

my now former boss turned me onto this show. Most hilarious s**t I've ever seen. Reruns still crack me up. Here is one skit they did on Calvin and Hobbes.



A HUGE SHOUT OUT TO SETH GREEN FOR ROBOT CHICKEN!!!!


... CAPTAIN PLANET! ...

Pretty much sums it up ...

Hellsday

Today was hell. For some odd reason I couldn't muster a single ounce of energy at work. My body ached, I was tired; I was literally a walking shell. For two hours (thank god they were just dead hours) I had been training a new guy at work. Well, really, this is how it went:

1) the bill would print up, he'd read it. Try to imagine what to do.
2) walk over to me while I sat on a milk crate. I'd tell him what to do, and he'd do it.

Easiest training session if you ask me. He should be good once he does it over and over and over and over and over again (and trust me, he will).

And so I'm back at the gym, thank god (not for the first day back of course). And while there, I just HAD to see what I weighed. 246lbs!!!! WHAT THE HELL? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

Oh well, at least I can actually do cardio for long periods of time (unlike the first time I went to the gym ever, now theres a story). I haven't made a workout plan yet, as I'm still working my body into the process, but I shall one soon.

UPDATE!
The roommate that ditched me with a LOAD of bills to work on his "business", has lost everything. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I'm just sorry that a few people lost loads and loads of money. I may have lost money from the venure, just not as much as others. I'm still going to persue the matter legally, so here's to hoping that works out. But I must say, having people approach me and say such things as ...

"its a good thing you got out when you did," and "huh, I guess you were right," still feels good. Its bittersweet.

Here's to hoping that everything gets better in the new year.

... figures ...

And so yesterday, I FINALLY got my gym membership back. After months and months of wanting it (but being able to afford it), I finally got it back. For my shiny gym, got my back all ready to go with gym essentials; and today at work I didn't even mind working an hour longer as a favour simply because right afterward, I was off to the gym. Ya see, I hadn't realised how much I missed until I got the new card. I'm telling you, I was pumped. I was jammin to my new Ipod that I got for christmas (that work, my mom and myself paid for) as I took the train to the YMCA and even downloaded new dance beats for the half hour on the cross trainer. All was well until after the shower.

I walked back to my locker, still somewhat dripping, wrapped in a towel .. and opened it up. I reached down to grab my pants, not realising that my undershirt was already on the floor. It wasn't until I noticed my pants was missing that I noticed everything in the locker was out of place. My pants was gone, with the money in it, and my wallet in it. My favorite belt was gone (since it was on the pants). Realising what had happened, and deeply pissed off, I moved my red ball cap to discover the inevitable. My Ipod was gone. My 30gig Ipod Video ... gone. All my favorite tunes and video podcasts, gone.

I had gone down to report what had happened. Turns out that I wasn't the only one. And their excuse for it all, Aboriginal Youth night for basketball took place that day. What does one say to that? Especially when one is Aboriginal in the first place.

A friend I had waited for sure made the poor girl feel bad, since he pointed out that I am Aboriginal. And made her feel worse when he told her it was my first time back since I bought my membership yesterday. I wonder what she would have felt like when I also mentioned I lost my home just one week ago?


PS: as for the pic, perhaps my Ipod just wasn't that into me?

Sunday, March 4, 2007

And I'm Officially Homeless ... kind of

And so, today is the last day of the month ... today was hell at work (someone called in sick and 15 orders were rung every minute for a whole lunchhour), and today was the last day to get all my stuff out of my old home.

As I pulled to the house, I could see the lights on inside. Personally I had hoped the old roommate was there packing his things (I never told him I was leaving, and he had left most of his furniture when he was bailing on me). It would have been sweet to see him try to explain things since my mom was with me and he owes her 5000 dollars. Sadly, I was disappointed and mildly uncomfortable when I realised it was the landlord. He got my letter, the letter that said I was moving out, the letter that said if he continued to harass me at work I would call the cops, the letter that said I would pay for half of what he's expecting (the old roommate SHOULD cover the rest).

I parked, headed on into the house, and found him already showing the place ... for an ass, he sure moves fast. Mom's bf helped me move what was left, and so did the landlord. And all I did was get what was mine, screw the mess .. I was leaving that for the poor sucker who had to clean it. I had hoped it would be the landlord, but got a little satisfaction when he mentioned the old roommate would do it (or at least pay someone else to do it).

Upon the last load, after small utterances were exchanged throughout the ordeal, he stared at me ... trying to read me as he said, "shit happened".

"It did," I replied.


The brightside to all of this ... I haven't called a good friend of mine in roughly a year. He's know storing my bed in his basement, and I'm meeting up with him tomorrow. I haven't seen my mom in months, and at moments notice she would drive for hours to come help out her son. And I now pay 300 rent at a friends instead of 1000 for my own. And the old roommate now has a debt to clear with money he doesn't have. (by the way, its been discovered that a deal of his hasn't developed, a deal that was crucial in his building his 'business' ... he now must deal with even more people wanting their money back)

I'm still in a situation that I didn't want, and I have no idea where its going to lead me. But I now know that I'm not alone in this.

Guess who? ... no, not really

PINK FLOYD is coming to calgary. I SOO WANNA GO ....

June 23rd ... here's to hoping.

I need some release from everything thats been happening ... and I think a concert is the best way to go.

Life keeps on ticking

And so .. I'm homeless.

So much crap has been happening, that honestly I'm surprised I haven't snapped yet. Er wait, I have already.

And so, one of my rent checks have bounced ... in November. The landlord called me yesterday to let me know. Three months later, he calls me to inform me. (I haven't been gettin my statements from my bank, so I didn't know) And as to how I never caught on with my bank card, I have no idea. But nevertheless ... the landlord wants his money. And I don't have it.

I had enough money for next months rent (the joys of living paycheck to paycheck), but nothin saved for emergencies.

You see, while I had a roommate I've been paying for everything. While he stayed under the same roof as me, he paid for nothing. He deemed it worthy for himself to call himself a businessman while he conned financial institutions and other people with money in order to start a business (I was his business partner for awhile, until I saw his 'business tactics' and realised he wanted majority ownership for an enterprise that he's contributed financially nothing to). He said he would pay me back and all ... until one day he said the 'business' owes me money. I snapped one day and let him have it .. what I felt, the realities of what he's doing, the legalities of it all; and since then he slowly moved out. He stayed a friends places (I presume) and grabbed his most immediate necessities while I was at work so that he wouldn't have to face me. He now owes me over 5000 dollars. He literally left, vanished, adios ... gone.

And now here I am, in an apartment I'm uncomfortable in because my mere presence here implies notions that I'm not ready to do. Me being here implies me taking steps towards something that I didn't want to step to (I'm at the bf's place). Being here implies a seriousness towards a relationship that I was seriously thinking about ending (and just being friends if it was possible).

But then I get that phone call .. a phone call I could have dealt with three months ago. A phone call that occured just minutes before the worst lunchrush I've ever had to work (because many a kitchen staff was sick and only one manager showed up for the whole restaurant).

One phone call lead to me packing all my things that I didn't want to lose, in one night. One phone call lead me to move to a residence that I didn't want to move to.

But at the same time, one call brought a lil bit of joy when I realised that according to the landlords copy of the lease, and the fact that its an implied lease ... I'm not on it. The roommate that decided to screw me over, his name is on it. He can pay for this shit ... I'm done.

My boss now knows that I may give my notice.

I still don't know what to do ... I feel like I lost my home. I feel like, like I've been feeling alot the past few months, like I'm forced to do things I don't want to do.

All this, and I'm trying to go back to school. Fuck sakes.





... ... ... I lost my home ... ... ...

back, again

Perhaps you haven't noticed the frequency of posts here, but I'm trying to get back into the habit of it. You see, I miss blogging ... whether it be a random piece of writing, or showing off my favorite pics (such as the following from flickr, yet again). I miss it, something to post and perhaps something simply to create for the sake of creation. There's just something about blogging I like (haven't perfected yet, but still like). And so, here I am again.

But the main purpose of blogging, as it will be from here on out, is to hone in on my web skills and to learn more tools of blogging and web design and whatnot. You see, I applied for a program in New Media Production and Design and have now to create a portfolio as is part of the prerequisites simply for consideration (let alone acceptance). And my plan is to create a portfolio on CD Rom or simply a website (since it is a polytechnic school I'm attempting to get into). However, that requires more planning and knowledge on my end, as well as (I feel) more artistic pieces originated from me. ORIGINALITY is key ... and I haven't created anything in a long LONG time. And so ... here it goes.

Wish me luck.

Shadows stared back at him as he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling; watching the smoke from his lit cigarette dance toward the ceiling, dance in and out of shadows from the downtown skyline. He inhaled, and painted more smoke dances on his airy canvas. He layed alone and stayed in his trance.

Not a single sound disturbed him in his darken room. Nothing caught his attention. Instead he lay in his underwear on his bed, smoking. Not a care in the world as he watched the world pass by.

He sat up, butted out his cigarette and walked toward the bathroom. He flicked the lightswitch, opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out some sleeping pills.

He layed back down in his bed and looked at the ceiling staring back at him. "Sleep" the ceiling told him. " .. sleep."

Monday blah ...

And so it is monday. Nothing much to say, so here's some pics. Hope ya like it.

And so it is friday ... YES! You have no idea how glad I am that I DON'T have to work tomorrow. In fact, just a few minutes ago I had just realised that in 20 days I only had 3 off. Add that with numerous 10+ hour days ... my level of 'gladness' is overwhelming, totally deserving and bittersweet.

Sad thing though, today I helped a friend move more boxes to his new apartment and tomorrow I'm helping move furniture. I'm always doing something for someone else, very rarely for me (mainly due to financial constraints). But oh well, I can relax now.

BTW, heart shaped pizzas .... SUCK. And thats all I have to say for Valentines day.

And now ... a few more of my faves from flickr.com ..... hope ya liked.

easy on the eyes

yo ....

haven't really been in a writing mood lately ... a lot of words floating around in my head, but no coherent enough to put down.

But, one bit of news .. I registered for school. I'm trying to get into the New Media Production and Design program at SAIT here in Calgary. Here's to hoping to I get in.

But for now ... here's a few favorite pics from my flickr contacts. Hope you enjoyed.

"I need to talk to you"

And so, after an exhausting week of work (closing the kitchen on night only to open it the next day), I was finally back on to my usual schedule of work; 9 to 5, monday to friday (very unusual for the restaurant industry).

Thirty more minutes on the clock and I could go to the lounge for staff priced drink ... until the kitchen manager came in.

"Make me some poutine," he says as he passes the dish pit, "oh .. and I need to talk to you."

Usually I think I'm in sh_t when I hear that .. so naturally, I start to get all anxious. I make his poutine, grab myself a cup of coffee, and he head to the be beer shed for a smoke (you try having a smoke while its snowing, I am in Alberta afterall).

"So.." he says while facing a direction away from me, "what do you want next weekend? Days or nights?"

... ... ... ...

He doesn't even ask if I want to work the weekend. A simple days or nights, and thats it.

I tell you, he is fuggin lucky he's cute.

I'm now working 14 days straight ... days on the weekends; cause lets face it, I may work the weekend but that doesn't mean I ain't going out.

Explanation #1

Holy f__k can so much happen in such a small span of time. I will try to explain everything that has been going on in a series of posts.

First off, I don't know if I like the new blogger. I can't do any of the new features that are supposedly ready to my avail. NADDA, first my whole template is screwy ... its going to take time to replace all that was lost (if I can remember how to do it that is). And the whole white background thing ... ergh. It all really just looks bad.

But it is the first step to what I want to achieve .. not everything happens at one, eh? So here's to goodluck in trying to design what I want.

.. I .. no ...

I know that usually this is suppose to be the post to broadcast the newly designed template of my blog. Sady, this isn't so.


Will explain later

What do you say before you close the book?

Perhaps this is only a writers thought (in my case, a wannabe writer), but when the story of that which is you is about to come to a close ... what do you say? If the curtain is about to close shut ... what do you do? What is contained in that last moment before the audience sees/hears/smells/feels that last experience of you?

Will it be one final number filled exuberance and emotion meant to keep the audience on the edge of their seat? Or is it an assisted closing of the curtain, implying all that is to be said was said .. and leaving the audience to come to terms of everything as they will?

Nevertheless .. it is a moment when the end is at hand; one final page to flip. And the book ends.

Perhaps I should write more ... because lets face it .. if you were an avid reader of this blog, then this book was the most vague piece of crap to be written. And is it because nothing was to be said? No, not at all. The mere fact is that all that was to be said .. wasn't spoken. There lied no dialogue to keep any reader interested .. instead there existed suspence sequence after suspence sequence with no sense of relief. One plot lead to another that lead to another, and no resolution was met.

And so .. as of this moment, especially since this blog came into existance as my gateway to relieve and make sense of my surroundings and overall my life; this blog will NOW be taken care of. And it will no longer be a tool to satisfy boredom.

With the likes of carefully constructed and maintained blogs such as Magmozine, Bill in Exhile, Best Gay Blogs and Joe.My.God (all of which are great inspirations), I will put more effort in actually saying something. And if as of this moment there is no time to post let alone learn the tools necessary to creating something great .. then DAMNIT, I WILL MAKE TIME!

THERE IS NO FINAL PAGE.

THERE IS NO FINAL CURTAIN.

There is only life .. and from here on in, I will grab life by the balls and make it what I want it to be.



Thank you,

Justin aka: Lone Wolf

Happy New Year

This video always reminds me that if your going to do something, might as well do it great.


And this ones just cute.

Much to post ... but lil time

And so for now .. pics will have to do

Time of Year prt 2

With my birthday here, and christmas around the corner, and new years next ... perhaps a vacation is in store.

Shadows everywhere

I've been plagued by dreams and feelings and ... hell even hallucinations (but fuck, that could be all me), everything telling me that ... where I'm at ISN'T where I should be.

Nothing makes sense now, and I feel that where I am now .... it never will.

What should I do?

Sunday

Thanks to a schedule change, I know have no days off this week. Oh well, pics like these keep me busy. AND, I know have weekends off, ... should be a first for a cook in the restaurant industry.

that time of year

Its that time of year ... December. And as per usual, I have mixed feelings about it. First off, my birthday is now 15 days away, and then Christmas, and then New Years .... I only have mixed feelings because everyone gets so sentimental this time of year; like a simple action is supposed to mean so much.

I really don't know if I even like christmas. My birthday ... that will be fun someday (if last year serves as a reminder). New Years ... is okay when you have people to spend it with, family is fun too.

Oh well, something shall happen .. something always does.

ON THE PLUS side, amidst this the usual shadows ... I get to find out what I really want (and necessarily can't pay for, lol).

Here are some hints.

A Cub with talent.

Well .. I attempted to post a link to a sexy cub who can sing and play guitar, and who also happens to be quite good at it. In fact, he's rendition of Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" is AWESOME.

Sadly, it did not work. But I did find another song he does. Hopefully this works.



YAY, It worked.

tried a song

apparently I can do this song at karaoke .... who knew?


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And you know what, this was the first song EVER that I attempted. It was in a karaoke booth, at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas, and it was tapped. That tap is now in a land fill, in Vegas. It never left the hotel in my possession, lol.

Cleansing

Well, this posted ... lets see if I can fix and publish what I wanted to publish.

... MOVING ON ...

But, if I crack .. then I crack. Deal with it and move on.



ON TO OTHER ENTERTAINING ... er, um ... things.

Remember the days when Missy Misdemeanor Elliott was chubby? I do. And looking back at it now ... it really says much about her skill and presence as an artist when even a full figured woman can bust loose her skills and be successful. (of course, being friends with Sean Puffy Combs [aka, Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Diddy ... and whatever other names he'll utitize] doesn't hurt either)

Anyways, I remember those days. Back when pop was actually R&B, when you can cleary hear the difference between pop music, and rap, and hip-hop, and R&B; back when the genres weren't soo often used in mainstream that they can all literally mean the same thing.

And so .. to the point ... I found a song of her's. It brings be back to when I was a wee lad (remember, I am only 24).


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And why not .. some pics .... (and as per usual .. damn puter won't let me post some pics ... damnit. They'll be here soon ... I promise)

those days

Ever come across those days when I can't tell anyone anything? I'm there, right now. With everything of the new business (business partner, friends, people WANTING it open), and aspects of my work life right now .....

lets just say that I'm a pressured bottled. A bottle I KNOW will be opened very soon.

......... And I'm scared ..........

A good way to start the week

Fire And Rain - James Taylor (Dave Mathews Band Acoustic Version)

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(TAYLORS LYRICS)
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things
to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now

THE LAST STRAW

And so ... lately I've been finding myself trying and trying to find ways to save the business partners ass. I'm done. I'm know in a point where I want to screw his ass (no ... not in that way [but hey, thats why I love my audience]).

Lets just say that when I'm locked out of my own house (that I SOLELY pay rent for), its the last straw. Given what I know of his business practices, he pissed off the last guy we ever wants to piss off.

HINT HINT! I used to work for a law firm. This should get really interesting.

**** WRITTEN DAYS AGO ****

And so ... lately I've been finding myself trying and trying to find ways to save the business partners ass. I'm done. I'm know in a point where I want to screw his ass (no ... not in that way [but hey, thats why I love my audience]).

Lets just say that when I'm locked out of my own house (that I SOLELY pay rent for), its the last straw. Given what I know of his business practices, he pissed off the last guy we ever wants to piss off.

HINT HINT! I used to work for a law firm. This should get really interesting.

L O S T ... and finding my way through it all

Even while standing on a mountain you must watch your step.

Ever come across those days when you totally lost .. but it doesn't matter; cause all you know is that you have to do everything you can to save your own behind? I never have ... not until now at least.

The business isn't going so well. Turns out the business partner is using me, and using so many others as well. I don't know why, but I figured out that he hasn't inputed any equity ..... nevermind. No specifics ... I learned that lesson already. Let's just say he wants me to fix his problems ... problems in regards to the business that he initiated. Apparently I'm the stilts he walks on to walk so high.

So I'm to help him, after my chief investor has backed out. What made her back out? Simple, it took one conversation ... one conversation with my business partner. And now .. we have people demanding $$$.

Needless to say ... I'm lost in it all .. but doing what I can to save my own ass. I'm only 24 yrs old ... I don't need this.

The Mountaintop

Just goes to show how much time I spend on the net these days, seeing as I haven't updated in a long time. And so .. here's the jist, about EVERYTHING.

Ever realise that the ground your standing on is actually a mountain? Suddenly you can see clearly where you stand; you can see clearly where your coming from; and for once you can see clearly the possibilities that lie ahead; you see all paths because your that far up. Your still as confused as you can ever be, but you know your just you.

Everything with the business is driving me nutts. Stress is at an all time high with time and resources at an all time low. Working full time and only have one or two days to get stuff done ... its really hard. Especially with a business partner who quit work completely to work full time on this project. MOVING ON ....

Work is work .. just like any other restaurant. Management cares for no one but themselves, and are completely dumbfounded as to why the restaurant (their's, not mine) is failing. But co-workers are great (most of them, minus most serving staff [they ain't the brightest bunch, but I guess thats what happens when your hired for your looks and not experience]).

Ran into an ex. Haven't seen him for awhile; and I was rather surprised to hear about a few things. But at the same, he's getting more of what he wanted than what he could from me (hello leather community, its me .. your admirer). And of course, I must mention that the current beau was mad at me, for 'leaving and forgetting' about him all the while I mingled a leather night at the Calgary Eagle.

To that, all I can say is this, "I'm sorry if my life doesn't revolve around you". Perhaps I'll say that in person one day. I just feel that if I'm going to go around and chat with people, play pool and all in all have a good time (not in that sense [and thats why I like my audience]), then .... well, still organising my thoughts on that one. Lets just say, that for someone whose attached to my hip, for someone I see everyday, for someone involved in everything I do ... I don't get how he can be upset when I don't see him for 30 minutes, one night, in a bar with all our friends around. I don't get it. At least he knows that I don't get it.

Like I said, I'm on a mountain ... I can see all around me. And I can still only take it all day by day.

AND NOW ... some pics. (apparently I can't upload pics on this ... that sucks ... lets try some tuneage)


... damn, that ain't workin either ... going to have to come back and update another day.

NEED HELP .....

... and no, I don't mean the business (with that, I could use alot [but I can do alone with my business partner, some help is alway appreciated though ;-) ]).

What I mean, is that my boyfriend (I ain't talkin much about this, don't wanna jinks it with all that happened with the last two) ....

ANYWAYS .. he made me a CD. And I, for the life of me, CANNOT figure out who sings it, or what its called.

PLEASE HELP ... (linked below)


Track02.cda
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I'm a dick ...

Topic of todays post .... I'm a dick! Can it git any simpler?

Reminicsing (is that how you spell it?)

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Opps, forgot ....

You know .. with so much going on these days, it has literally taken me til last minute to realise that I'm going to Vancouver. *blank stare* I'm actually fucking going to fucken Vancouver. VANCOUVER.

When do you ask? Simple, in 9 hours.

I'M GOING TO VANCOUVER! ... I've never been before. What is one to do if you haven't been there?

Sad part is, one portion (one I've really been looking forward too) is that the road trip from there to Seattle has been cancelled. That sucks.

Oh well, Vacation, here I come.

Elvis has left the building

I know I've said it before, and god knows I'll say it again, but I'm shuttin down. Slowly but surely I feel it coming. With so much to do in such little time and even littler resources to do it (let alone cash), I just don't have time to oblige myself with other peoples jealousy and envy, and hatred and backstabbing, and the wannabe butch's continually puttin up a front; pretty much all the people who want to get a rise out of me or those seeking something from me.

I ain't shuttin down because of my own shit (and god knows I have much of it), I'm shuttin down to save my own sanity from other peoples games.

THANK GOD for this blog, though. I'll still be here.

And the light bulb is lit.

And so trust is slowly meaning nothing these days. *ponders a epiphany* And I wonder why I'm not liking alot of people I meet.

GIT!

I've come to find that I'm gettin bitter with people, and that pretty much applies to most I meet. And its always something, whether I'm hearing the same shit over and over again, gossip here and there, or someones incessant whining; I can pretty much find something wrong with someone.

But I never used to be this way. I've always enjoyed people and their individuality, and the uniqueness that is them. Nowadays, all I hear is the nagging and whining thats reminiscent of Charlie Brown.

Its just politics and politics and politics. It almost feels like I can't even go out anymore.

With a select few, absolutely ... going out with them is always a great night for me. But then, I'm just surrounded with people at the bar that I'm annoyed with (not the peeps I'm actually with).

And I don't know what to do. I'm tired.

I'm going to bed.

Fake Interest

Fake interest is bullshit. Pardon my language, but really ... it is. And thusfully so sums up my entry here. As mentioned, I'm opening up a restaurant and bar. Me and my partner that is (business partner). And we've reached a point where rumors are starting to circulate. Now, I must mention that I have expected as much ... just not so soon.

I now have people who have NEVER paid me the time of day to get to know me, asking me how I've been and yadda yadda yadda. People wanting something, without actually saying it. And what am I to do?

Pretty much nothing. I take it as it comes and express whats actually going. In lamens terms ... I'm telling them that their "sources" don't know shit. Cause I don't know shit.

Either way ... I have people that I have seen for the past year and a half (its been that long since I moved here) paying me more attention than usual. Normally I myself would like it (I'm selfish in that regard), had it not been the reason behind it.

Thusfully, fake interest = KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. And if now, ask yourself ... have you ever done something to make you known in my books. Answer = Yes you have ... and trust me, it ain't good.

PS: This entry does not go out to ALL people, just to most.