And the light bulb is lit.

And so trust is slowly meaning nothing these days. *ponders a epiphany* And I wonder why I'm not liking alot of people I meet.

GIT!

I've come to find that I'm gettin bitter with people, and that pretty much applies to most I meet. And its always something, whether I'm hearing the same shit over and over again, gossip here and there, or someones incessant whining; I can pretty much find something wrong with someone.

But I never used to be this way. I've always enjoyed people and their individuality, and the uniqueness that is them. Nowadays, all I hear is the nagging and whining thats reminiscent of Charlie Brown.

Its just politics and politics and politics. It almost feels like I can't even go out anymore.

With a select few, absolutely ... going out with them is always a great night for me. But then, I'm just surrounded with people at the bar that I'm annoyed with (not the peeps I'm actually with).

And I don't know what to do. I'm tired.

I'm going to bed.

Fake Interest

Fake interest is bullshit. Pardon my language, but really ... it is. And thusfully so sums up my entry here. As mentioned, I'm opening up a restaurant and bar. Me and my partner that is (business partner). And we've reached a point where rumors are starting to circulate. Now, I must mention that I have expected as much ... just not so soon.

I now have people who have NEVER paid me the time of day to get to know me, asking me how I've been and yadda yadda yadda. People wanting something, without actually saying it. And what am I to do?

Pretty much nothing. I take it as it comes and express whats actually going. In lamens terms ... I'm telling them that their "sources" don't know shit. Cause I don't know shit.

Either way ... I have people that I have seen for the past year and a half (its been that long since I moved here) paying me more attention than usual. Normally I myself would like it (I'm selfish in that regard), had it not been the reason behind it.

Thusfully, fake interest = KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. And if now, ask yourself ... have you ever done something to make you known in my books. Answer = Yes you have ... and trust me, it ain't good.

PS: This entry does not go out to ALL people, just to most.

Word to the wise

Never blog immediately after getting home from the bar. Especially when drunk.

I'm BACK .. again

And so ... I'm back. After a long hiatus ... completely unplanned .. but such happens when life happens. For the avid reader, I apologise. For the random surfer, I apologise. But mostly for myself, I apologise. Ya see .. this blog is my venting tool. A place for me to be me and not worry about judgement from anyone. A place where I can shout in frustration or just be silly stupid. Either way .. this is my place. This is me. And I've neglected it lately. And so ... for everyone, (including he who is I) I apologise.

MOVING ON ....

Work is work. Overworked and underpaid for a restaurant that does not beleive in paying overtime. A place that pushes employees away with no gimmick of keeping them let alone attracting them. A restaurant that beleives big money and renovations will attract more customers and influence money flow (sadly they are wrong). Lets face it, a facelift rarely affects attitude. And there's SOO much attitude in this place. Makes me wonder .. why do I still work there? Whatever.

I'd like to say more ... but I won't at this time. For now .. here's some pics. All ya'll take care.


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TGIF ... again

Cat's Out of the Bag; And all is Out

SITUATION ! ! !

Okay ... as most of my avid readers know (if they're still reading), I have a tendency to vent. I'm okay with that .... judge me if you want cause I really don't care. This is my way of taking care of myself .. when I find myself in circumstances where I cannot talk to anyone ... this is what I do.

ANYWAYS ... here's the thing. I'm opening up a restaurant and bar. Thats right, I'm starting my own business with a good friend of mine here in Calgary, Alberta. Why? CAUSE WE NEED IT. ... ... ... plus ever since I was kid, I always wanted my own restaurant/bar. So .. the jist .. new gay bar here in Calgary, Alberta, Canada (just to see what that picks up for google [Free Marketing = YAY!])

When we first approached the idea of this new venture, we decided it was going to be hush hush. And thusfully, I kept up with my end of the bargain. All was quiet even though the stress was taking me to OVERLOAD (business aspects that I will not go into detail) and friends and all were asking me where I've been and why am I so tired. I needed to vent, but I kept quiet. For me, I will not speak until all is well.

But now, here I sit .. venting again to an anonymous audience (a pic will be posted one day, I promise) the frustrations that plague my mine.

BACK TO TOPIC; I was approached tonight. Someone I had known for the past year and a half, came up to me. He "heard" that I was opening up a bar. And in a drunken stupor decided to go on and on about why he's leaving his restaurant (gay owned and operated) and what he can do for another establishment within the community. TACKY can we say ... just a bit.

What gets me is that he's apart of the circle of friends that my business partner is close with. AND, I learned from my new guy that my business partner has been "talking". So much for hush hush ... apparently his word is fuck all (or I could just be angry at the moment).

What gets me, is that I was once in this scenario before; being approached by people I knew (not necessarily friends but more aquintances than anything else), and suddenly being given more attention than they would have ever given me. (I was rich once, and I lost it all) I know the drama and the unnecessary stresses it adds by people who want something just because of who they are and how they are "connected". By all means ... I should NOT have dealt with this, especially given the "hush hush" treatment by the business partner who continually tells me its all "hush hush", and who will also tell people who are friends of mine that its all "hush hush". Where's the fairness in that?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later ... but never should it happen when I'm in a competitors establishment and having a good time (a competitor known to discriminate [he's followed me around becuase I'm native] and since our place isn't open yet, and there's limited places to go in this city.) Is all this really necessary for me, for the one who kept up his end of the deal?

Bye Bye Writers Block

A fork in the road ... well I've reached many. And yet I stand there, pondering the best choice both for myself ... and that of other persons; for one thing I made a promise, a choice .... but the opposite would be my own mental health. When one choice is made, it takes a strain that no one can bare ... and yet I bare it; alone. And with the other choice, I hurt someone ... and still I bare that alone. And do these choices exist alone .... no they do not. They are only few of the many that exist at the moment. And every choice requires so much from me ... that there is no escape. Always a choice; and always a consequence. And with each choice and each consequence ... I hurt. I hurt no matter what.


I guess my writers block as come to an end.

Writers Block

Oh the incessant need to write something, and nothing comes. Which sucks. Oh well, here are some pics that would tied ya over.

WTF?!

WHOA WHOA WHOA ... WHERE'D THE PICS GO? Damnit ... oh well. I'll try again. And if nothing .. then, blame this piece o shit pc. Apple is soo much better. I've done so much with that apple. So easy to use and quick too. Oh why oh why did that firm have to can me. I mean really? What did I do? ... nevermind, don't answer that, lol. I remember (he says as he drinks his rum and coke), lol.

Anyways, here's tempt Number two.






TAA DAA .. AND IT WORKS. WOO HOO!!!

I'M BACK ! ! ! !

my my my how time flies when life throws you curve ball after curve ball.

And with that said .... I'M BACK! WOO HOO!!!

And yes, there is no new element to the blog in that I just haven't had time to learn new shit. For one thing, to do so would require me to be on the internet as often as I once was. Sadly, this just isn't so.

But, here I am ... silly ol methodical, logical, irrational, selfish, ol me. Well, I'm not those things all the time ... just add the opposite of that you'll get the well rounded portion of me. Just depends what day.

ANYWAYS ... UPDATE.
1. Numerous jobs in a short period of time. Won't go into detail, but I will say this .. working for bitter, whiny old women (not being sexist, but she was a woman) is NOT the best way to go. A word of advice for her "DEAL WITH IT ... and move on."

2. Lost a family member. May he rest in peace. Once again won't go into detail. Let's just say that the poem "Death of an Innocent" holds more truth these days.

3. Working with the roommate at a restaurant. Good times, since he's a manager and usually works til close. Its a blast.

PS: I actually like the job. Bad pay, but I like it. Tells me what I need to know for the restuarant / lounge I WILL own one day. And oh yes, I will own it.

Thus far .. thats all I can think of. But if I continue to write more, I'm sure you'll learn more. Peace out all ... til next time .. enjoy these pics.

Want to Jump?

Sometimes you just want to jump. Sometime just peering over the edge and seeing the world below makes ya wanna spread your wings and fly. I want nothing but air around me. No more noise. No more pollution. No more strangers. Just lay my head in the clouds and sleep. I wanna feel the warmth of the shiny sun and I just lay back and breathe. I wanna take that daring leap, that risky leap that proves to be successful. I just wanna jump.

UPDATE

And the hunt continues. Which is kind of odd and suiting since I always feel like I'm on the hunt for something, even though have the time I don't know what it is I'm actually looking for. Meh, such is life for I.

So anyways, I did land a job awhile back. I was a cook for Boston Pizza .. for a day. Ah yes, the thrill of proportioning pasta and making sure that everything is perfect. Sure, would have been a job I liked, but I went and did something unexpectedly. I quit. The next day I was to work early in the morning (its early becuase I'm never up that early), and while half asleep, I called work and quit. lol Lets just say I do odd things and say odd things and say odd things while asleep. Add that motor skills ... I'm bound to do shit. So yeah, I quit while half asleep and remembered it as a dream. I awoke after that, hours later, and when I realised what time it was I remembered "the dream".

I've never gone back there since, lol.

Offly enough though, that same say I finally got a hold of a company I was trying to work for for many months now. They called, and arranged and interview. Had I been at work, I never would have got the call. So I guess it all worked out. Even though I'm still unemployed and broke at the moment, and rent is due.

I can go on and on about whats been happening, but lets just say that there is still no light at the end of the tunnel. But no worries, I'm still looking for it. For now, I'll just take baby steps in this tunnel with my one match for light.

Take care.

Turn the page ...

And suddenly its not so bright anymore. The sun shines in full force, raining is rays over the city; letting the civilians know that spring is here and summer is soon. And yet, I still feel the cold breeze of winter.

As buds blossom and the spring styles walk down the street, I still see a world of grey. I know that spring beauty is there. I just can't see it.

Instead I'm weighed heavily and more tired than usual.

The story has taken a sudden shift. And still, I turn the page.

Whats up?

So, what do you do when your roommate, boyfriend, and best friend, keep asking you "whats wrong"? Especially when you don't think that anything is wrong.

Apparently I'm acting differently these days. Personally, I don't see it, I really don't. But its there, and there for other people to see. And I'm thinking that those I'm close too are worried about it. But I still don't see what it is they're talking about. I really don't.

So anyways .. figured I'd post something. Just keep this blog thing going.

Adios for now

As many of my avid reader may have noticed, there has been no postings for a week. Exactly 7 days have gone by and nadda is coming out. Well, this may be the case for quite awhile.

On monday, I lost my job. And I have no prospects for another just yet, and I have no money saved up. (And you would think that the whole roommate fiasco awhile back would have taught me that lesson *rolls eyes*).

And so, excuse for me a bit as I venture on yet another new chapter of this crazy incessant rollercoaster ride I call life. I'll be back soon ... I hope.

Adios, for now.

Row - Day - Yo (Rodeo)

Oddly enough its reminiscent. Who knew the smell of horse menure would bring a sense of nostagia? But it does. As I stroll into the Rodeo, the first of the season, I'm bombarded with memories of home. I can see quite vividly the fair grounds of the annual stampede. I can smell the mouthwatering flavour of vendor hotdogs and mini donuts. I'm half expecting to run into someone I know I'm so drawn in memories.

I continue through the crowd of tight wrangler wearing cowboys looking for beer, for seeing these gorgeous men chug back their plastic cup of ale drives me thirsty. And as I zig and zag through the sea of manly men in search for ale, I'm continuously distracted by bulges and curves. How odd that I remember not cruising these men back home.


I approach the bar, order my drink and pay the tired woman behind the counter. I go and find my seat.

Since alone, I find a portion of the seating area with the least spectators. And there, I watch the rodeo. I see strapping young men mount their horses and partake in the western festivities; roping cattle, riding broncs, riding bareback, cattle steering, all the while dropping their cowboy hats along the way or getting thrown off the stallion. All very entertaining, all very welcoming.

I still find it odd that it all brings back a sense of nostalgia, especially considering that fact the I never actually watched a Rodeo back home. And yet, here I am, enjoying the company of many a stranger.

Another one FREE ...

Anyone remember Chris Kanyon? From WWE? NO. What about from WCW (that's no longer in existence)? No. What about from TNA (Total Nonstop Action, not that other thing that str8 boys giggle and gawk at)? Not ringing any bells? No worries, I too vaguely remember him. And I mean VERY VAGUELY remember him. But, had I known back in 1995, when Kanyon shone brightly in spotlight up until 2005, then it might have been a different story. Reason being, he's gay.

Thats right, a reknowned Wrestling superstar (up for debate if you ask me) has come out of the closet. Published on OutSports' website (www.outsports.com) is an exerpt of Kanyons first interview since coming out. That article was published on said website March 31, 2006.

Now, Kanyon's career as a wrestler is questionable to me ONLY for the fact that I've been out of the wrestling loop for a LONG TIME. But nevertheless, Kanyon has been known to associate with the likes of Diamond Dallas Page, Bam Bam Bigelow and wrestled against the likes of WWE superstar's "The Undertaker" and "Kane". Credibility no longer questioned.

Anyways, if I had known then what I know now aspect of this post. What would my life have been like if I had a gay wrestler to look up too? As a wrestling fan (not necessarily a fanatic, but a fan nonetheless) who happen to be gay, I don't think I was more isolated and more forced into the closet, than in any other sport. (although, hockey is right up there). And so with the news that a wrestler who has wrestled in the WWE, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like.

Either way, Kris Kanyon, congrats. I honestly mean that, to be able to come out of the closet while partaking in wrestling is very courageous and very honorable. Congrats. And if anyone gives you any crap for it, just suplex them.

Brief tidbits to keep your attention:

- TNA banned Kanyon from attending a PPV event (due to "technical legalities", according to TNA; must also be stated he was banned after coming out during a match with TNA)
- Kanyon played the stunt double for Oliver in Ready To Rumble which stared David Arquette and Sting



For more infor on Kanyon, you may visit his MSN MySpace at:
http://www.myspace.com/chriskanyon

Or check out Outsports.com [linked to the right]

Updated "Most Comments" via Flickr

not much to post (or posts are just to incoherent to publisb)

And so, here is an update on my flickr.com album. The following pics are the Top Most Commented as of today, April 5, 2006.

Does Anyone ....

Does anyone realise that at the first hour and three seconds passed the second minute (01 hr:02 min:03 sec), that the official date was

01:02:03 04/05/06


This won't happen again until the year 2106.