Waiting For That Something Good

It seemed like a good idea at the time, a road trip with the boyfriend to the United States; simply to do some christmas (and personal) shopping. Make a weekend of it, a weekend excursion. Daughter will stay at grandmas. Leave friday afternoon, come back sunday. It was all planned out.

No. It wasn't.

No one knew a storm would hit, no one knew how bad the roads would be. And no knew, not even the truckdriver, that the truck would loose control and veer into the next lanes.

If my sister knew ... she wouldn't have gone.

She texted me that night, when she was going home from Great Falls. Complaining, in a jokingly manner, that I had no time to speak to my older sister. I texted back, "lol." She knew I was in Veags though, and told me to have fun. Even though it was only day one.

The next day, I would get a phone call telling me that my sister died, her and her boyfriend. And so home I went.

The anniversay is fast approaching. December 3. One year has passed since that phone call, since that day.

It creeps up on ya, the loneliness, the grief, the pain. It comes and goes as it pleases; and you get used to it. Its sad, but true.

And since that time, I've taken a course and done a career change, made new friends and all the time keeping old ones. Broke it off with the bf, still friends though, still live together (yes, I have my own room).

But everything is just .... a thing. Something to do as time passes. For the past two months, all I've done is work. I work monday to friday, then the weekend, then another weekend .. and so on, and so on. And suddenly two months pass and I find myself realising that a year has passed.

.... .... .... just so much. So soo much.

I find myself just going through the days. Just going with it.

A year.