... here I, soon, come.

Wow it gets harder and harder to write in this ... I have so much to say, just very little time on the computer these days ... and oddly enough, my life is work and the gym, and thats it. Strange.

But, NEWS ... I've decided I'm moving. Yes yes, Calgary is a great place to be, great weather (even though suffering an odd winter this year), great people (very rare you'll meet someone born and raised here, but does happen) and great opportunities (I find that this city is still booming even considering the current crisis with the economy). But I feel Calgary has fulfilled its purpose for me in my late blooming life, and has played in a pivotal role in my actually LIVING of life.

And as much as I'm excited about my future move, I'm still anxious in saying goodbye. Moving even further away from family still seems impossible to my heart right now, considering how I've been feeling within the last year since the tragedy. Its almost unbearable to think that I won't be able to simply jump into a car and go visit family that very day (the move is out of province). I'll be moving away from everything I know and everyone I love, and yet I still feel that this move is something I must do.

Moreso, saying goodbye to a specific person is even harder. Does one ever truly let go of their first love? Granted we've been apart for a long time now; and I've dated since then. But he's the one I always think about. He's the one I remember the most. And he knows, I'm moving; but I've never actually said good-bye. And every time I've seen him since ... it seems to be the only discussion we can have, so instead I stay quiet. Even though I know that not discussing my move is probably not the best thing to do ...

I just want him to know that I loved him, that I still love him. I miss feeling his warmth when I hug him, I miss running my fingers through his hair. I miss his dirty car whose dashboard lights brighter than a christmas tree, lol.

I don't think I'll say good-bye. I can't say it and mean it. I can't just give up the possibilities in my head, even if thats all they'll ever be ... possibilities.

But movings is something I have to do, and this I know. I've spent so much of my life doing what was logical and expected and trying to help people out. I never really took a chance on my own happiness and my own successes. Instead I just escaped this situation and escaped that, and did what was expected and safe. And I don't want to be that person who wonders, what if.

Money isn't an issue, I can make great money in the construction industry, but it isn't money I'm worried about. I've had money before ... all that brought was many issues and worries. Now its just me.

And whats great about this move is that I'm not escaping anything. Nothing tragic is happening; as a matter of fact, I'm content. Life is ok right now, can be better ... and thats what I'm working on.

Vancouver ... here I soon come.