A Confession #1

A Confession ...

I used to like Dawson's Creek. There, I said it ... I was a WB kid who used to love watching the escapades of Dawson, and Joey, and Jack, and Pacey, and Jen. I even kept track of their movie careers; meaning I also watched Varsity Blues, The Gift, Mighty Ducks, Final Destination and Halloween H20 simply because they were in them. I loved Dawson's Creek (could be because the creator also wrote Scream 1 & 2, which inspired me to be a writer).

Funny thing is now ... I watch it the reruns on tv ... and I'm sickened by it.

How can one love something only to one day hate it?

The only conclusion I can come up with is that when I used to watch it, I was young. Young and naive and so full of hope of what life could be. I watched that program and felt moved about what life could be for this small town boy; a life that I wasn't living at the time. Although, I'm pretty sure that what I hate the most is that my high school life and my college life where NOTHING like I thought it would be. Instead of feeling free and full of hope, I felt trapt and depressed. At a time when I was trying to make things better for myself, I ended up making things worse; I ended up doing what was expected instead of what I really wanted to.

Time when on, and four years of college went by. All the while spent in misery and all the time waiting for a time when all would be better. And now, here I am .... in a life that I never expected simply because its a life I never wanted. No degree, in a dead end restaurant, in an apartment I never wanted to be in. With barely a cent to my name (thanks to the fuggin city ... fellow calgarians would know what I'm talking about), I'm living day by day in a job that drains the life out of me.

I don't even know what I want to do anymore, I feel so jaded.

Here's to hoping I snap out of this soon.