UPDATE ...

Because alot of time has passed since I last posted something, I think its needless to say that alot has happened. So much, in fact that being online and being a net junkie has been last on my list.

For starters, I'm single. After a long long relationship, we've come to the realisation that our relationship was labelled something that it indeed wasn't ... at least thats the story I'm stickin with. It is true .. its just not the whole truth. In fact, it actually stretches for a long period of time spanning months. Truthfully, I personally was doubting the relationship in what feels like ages ago ... and I always had every intention of bring it up, but usually I would chicken-out out of fear of hurting him, or hurting me, or too much uncertainty was in the air about where I would live and such ... and as I thought and thought about this, life would happen, thus steering my attention towards something else. First is was losing my job, then it was the passing of my sister, then it was the fact that I was in school and really had no money .... but alas a time had come where I had to be truthful.

As mentioned, another passing of a loved one had come and gone. I ventured home to be with family (which was planned in the first place for the long weekend) and to help out with the funeral as my mother would be planning and taking care of the "arrangements" as second time since the passing of my older sister. I knew she would need the help even if she didn't really ask for it. But at the time, I thought more and more about myself and the life I was living and the people in my life and I realised, that I felt so alone. I wasn't the me that I even partially knew (as say that as I feel as if I'm on a constant trek to becoming who I am supposed to be). And I knew something had to change.

And so I took a look around my home town, my home indian reservation, and tried imagine the people that may fit in my life back home who were in my life now. And truth be told, no one fit. Not the guy I was with, not any of my friends; no one who I had encountered on a frequent basis. And as I analyzed previous conversations and chit chat, I realised the amount of judgement and prejudice towards my people that these people spoke with ... now it may be partially my fault in that I allowed it for so long, but nevertheless they continued to speak to me in such a manner. And so, I had to do what I'm currently doing now ... I'm keeping them at a distance. I'm continuing forth with my own journey on my own.

I've been in a huge rutt for the past year and I need to stop it. Right now, I need to surround myself with people I can trully call friends, people who are supportive and who challenge me in many ways. I needent be pitied or taken care of; I need to steer myself. I need to stand on my own two feet.

Its still a journey, life always will be. I just hope I don't make the same mistakes as I just did.