Coherent Thoughts ... I think thats very rare to have. Even one mere coherent thought, I feel, is difficult to encounter ... mainly because I have this notion that one thought is brought about by another. It seems that we're travelling along this web of thought and emotions within ourselves brought about by our own experiences, which in itself is also a life of experiences only recognisable as a web. Or maybe its just me ....
Anyways, I find myself thinking about my ex. I find myself thinking about him alot. And everytime I think of him; I'm left wondering what happened, why did it happen, and even moreso significant is it even important now? (the reason behind it all). Whatever the case, is was all me. And I can't even remember why.
We're still good friends, great friends is what I like to think. And I always felt that the best relationships are those sprouted from friendship. To me, he's my best friend. He's the one person that knows ALL, the one person I told everything without the influence of alcohol. Not even my best friends back home have that privilege. He is the one person to tell it like is. He's the one to bluntly express everything, even my flaws. He's not the type to play it nice and say what I want to hear. He tells me what I need to hear. That means something to me.
By the way, he's gorgeous and the best kisser in the world. And I miss him dearly.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Tilty Head
And the Drama never ceases ... quite literally, its to a point where all I can do is tilt my head back and laugh. Delirious, absolutely delirious.
One of the perks of my job is that I get weekends off. No way out of that one, thats how I hold management in my hand. I won't, absolutely will not EVER, work a weekend.
This morning, saturday morning, I went to work. *tilts head* Apparently yesterday, hours after I had left, our three main closers walked off the job. They just upped and left. Turns out a manager opened their big mouth and said "after renovations is done, no one is having their job." At least something to that effect. And I know for a fact that one of the three just bought a condo, and therefore NEEDS his job. So he and his two buds left. *shrugs sholders* He needs his job so bad he can just walk off any ol time he pleases. ... yeah, it makes no sense for me either.
Anyways, that one event caused a Sh*tload of circumstances for EVERYBODY. And therefore, I needed to awake bright and early on my weekend to go into work and make sure that the guys that are working or okay. THANK GOD they all showed up.
Here's to more drama that I'm SURE I will encounter in a few days. *tilts head*
One of the perks of my job is that I get weekends off. No way out of that one, thats how I hold management in my hand. I won't, absolutely will not EVER, work a weekend.
This morning, saturday morning, I went to work. *tilts head* Apparently yesterday, hours after I had left, our three main closers walked off the job. They just upped and left. Turns out a manager opened their big mouth and said "after renovations is done, no one is having their job." At least something to that effect. And I know for a fact that one of the three just bought a condo, and therefore NEEDS his job. So he and his two buds left. *shrugs sholders* He needs his job so bad he can just walk off any ol time he pleases. ... yeah, it makes no sense for me either.
Anyways, that one event caused a Sh*tload of circumstances for EVERYBODY. And therefore, I needed to awake bright and early on my weekend to go into work and make sure that the guys that are working or okay. THANK GOD they all showed up.
Here's to more drama that I'm SURE I will encounter in a few days. *tilts head*
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Hi ...
And so ... I did a little exercise today. I decided to write with my eyes closed so that I wouldn't be able to see the flow of my thought processes as I typed them out. I have a hunch that being able to see what we write actually influences what we write next. And I didn't want to be influenced. I wanted to discover.
And one thing did happened ... other than realising the sausage fingers that I do type with ... I wrote something that just hit me. After reading everything I wrote, and doing my best to consciously absorb all that was me, it was two sentences, one right after the other, that seemed the most real.
"I don't know how life got so hard .. it just did. And whenever I am alone, it feels like pain."
Now, maybe its cause I have a tendency to watch life like a fly on the wall (never really apart of the whole picture, but always there). Maybe its cause I never really thought of myself ... but it hit me. And you can't control what hits you, its always something you never expect. But there it was.
Me, staring back at me.
... now what?
And one thing did happened ... other than realising the sausage fingers that I do type with ... I wrote something that just hit me. After reading everything I wrote, and doing my best to consciously absorb all that was me, it was two sentences, one right after the other, that seemed the most real.
"I don't know how life got so hard .. it just did. And whenever I am alone, it feels like pain."
Now, maybe its cause I have a tendency to watch life like a fly on the wall (never really apart of the whole picture, but always there). Maybe its cause I never really thought of myself ... but it hit me. And you can't control what hits you, its always something you never expect. But there it was.
Me, staring back at me.
... now what?
Monday, May 14, 2007
Speck of Dust prt 2
"Put garbage there and go inside" the cop instructed.
And within that moment, as he and his partner stared at me through their sunglasses, I spotted seven other police squad cars surrounding 'a suspect' in our parking lot. Acting confused I put down the garbage and went back inside.
"Well," asked my kitchen manager, "whats going on?"
"I don't know," I replied, "a cop just asked me to put the garbage down and get back in here."
"What did you do?"
"Let me think," my sarcasm was starting to surface, "a built, solid white cop with a badge and a gun ... this native put the garbage down and came inside."
Moments had passed and by this time, we were outside watching what was going on. Two of our servors were sitting nearby and googling with lusty eyes towards the boys in blue as they searched a vehicle inside and out, and later on searched 'the suspects' shoes and pockets. Co-workers and I cracked jokes with each other while the local media took pictures and conversed on their cell phones. We never really figured out what was going on.
An hour later, the lot was empty and the car being searched was gone. We still had a kitchen to run and were soon making pizzas as per usual.
4:30 rolled on in and I was preparing to leave for the day. The night shift crew made their way in one by one, and with each co-worker strolling in we heard of a big accident at the intersection we're located on. "Must be the same cops that were just here," I joked.
And within that moment, as he and his partner stared at me through their sunglasses, I spotted seven other police squad cars surrounding 'a suspect' in our parking lot. Acting confused I put down the garbage and went back inside.
"Well," asked my kitchen manager, "whats going on?"
"I don't know," I replied, "a cop just asked me to put the garbage down and get back in here."
"What did you do?"
"Let me think," my sarcasm was starting to surface, "a built, solid white cop with a badge and a gun ... this native put the garbage down and came inside."
Moments had passed and by this time, we were outside watching what was going on. Two of our servors were sitting nearby and googling with lusty eyes towards the boys in blue as they searched a vehicle inside and out, and later on searched 'the suspects' shoes and pockets. Co-workers and I cracked jokes with each other while the local media took pictures and conversed on their cell phones. We never really figured out what was going on.
An hour later, the lot was empty and the car being searched was gone. We still had a kitchen to run and were soon making pizzas as per usual.
4:30 rolled on in and I was preparing to leave for the day. The night shift crew made their way in one by one, and with each co-worker strolling in we heard of a big accident at the intersection we're located on. "Must be the same cops that were just here," I joked.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Speck of Dust
Friday .. should be the most busiest day ever for a restaurant kitchen. I had expected wholeheartedly a vast demand of pre-orders as I opened the kitchen this morning. As usual, I would get about 7 bills of perhaps 7-16 pizzas to be ready between the hours of 11:30 and 11:45 (usually its 11:45am). And get this, we have one oven to cook it all in. And as the manager would give me all the bills, and as my eyes of disgust attempt to persuay guilt upon him, he would shrug his shoulders and a small smirk would peek through the left side of his mouth; all the more showing me where I really stand in this restaurant.
I finished 'kitchen set-up' in my street clothes and even had time for a coffee and a smoke outside. All sauces were ready, all utencils in place. All lines completely stocked. And all employees doing what they should be doing. As I slowly walked up the stairs to change into my uniform I see that the owner is back in town, and as per usual on the phone. Frankly, I don't care. And trust me, with the turnover rate that this restaurant experiences .. neither does he. Even he's seen his best come and go.
N E Ways ... I go back downstairs to check on everything again, only this time really waiting for the dreaded pre-orders. But nothing came. I wait and wait and wait .. hell I even go back outside for one more smoke, and nothing. Thats really odd for a Friday.
... the clock ticked and ticked. I have my days pinned to the minute. And thusfully I should, I've been doing it everyday for a year now. The announcement posted on the all boards in the place remind me consistently since this month started. (someone kill me now) Nevertheless, noon is about to strike. Its friday, so we're about to be raped. Its going to be bill after bill after bill all punched in at the same time and all expected to be made at the same time. I'm going to need all my kitched crew at the lines and for the next hour and half to be running like crazy to make sure all food goes out with perfection. tic ... tic ... tic ...
And nothing. I didn't even need all my guys.
Hours have passed, and as I'm spacing into the air in front of me. The servers, and I mean ALL the servers storm passed me through the lounge door and out the back door. As I stand wondering whats going on, they storm back in all in giddly amusement (must be a girl thing). But luckily, I need to take out the garbage anyways. I grab one bag, tie it up and make my way to the back door. I open it, go outside .. and am met by two police officers. WTF?!
"Keep that there," one says, "and go back inside."
--- to be continued
I finished 'kitchen set-up' in my street clothes and even had time for a coffee and a smoke outside. All sauces were ready, all utencils in place. All lines completely stocked. And all employees doing what they should be doing. As I slowly walked up the stairs to change into my uniform I see that the owner is back in town, and as per usual on the phone. Frankly, I don't care. And trust me, with the turnover rate that this restaurant experiences .. neither does he. Even he's seen his best come and go.
N E Ways ... I go back downstairs to check on everything again, only this time really waiting for the dreaded pre-orders. But nothing came. I wait and wait and wait .. hell I even go back outside for one more smoke, and nothing. Thats really odd for a Friday.
... the clock ticked and ticked. I have my days pinned to the minute. And thusfully I should, I've been doing it everyday for a year now. The announcement posted on the all boards in the place remind me consistently since this month started. (someone kill me now) Nevertheless, noon is about to strike. Its friday, so we're about to be raped. Its going to be bill after bill after bill all punched in at the same time and all expected to be made at the same time. I'm going to need all my kitched crew at the lines and for the next hour and half to be running like crazy to make sure all food goes out with perfection. tic ... tic ... tic ...
And nothing. I didn't even need all my guys.
Hours have passed, and as I'm spacing into the air in front of me. The servers, and I mean ALL the servers storm passed me through the lounge door and out the back door. As I stand wondering whats going on, they storm back in all in giddly amusement (must be a girl thing). But luckily, I need to take out the garbage anyways. I grab one bag, tie it up and make my way to the back door. I open it, go outside .. and am met by two police officers. WTF?!
"Keep that there," one says, "and go back inside."
--- to be continued
Monday, May 07, 2007
Dreamscapes
I sat on one side of a long table, eating dinner with the rest of that family. On the far end sat my mother, my younger sister next to her and my brother next to her. I looked up at them and saw the smiles and laughter on their faces as they exchanged jokes and harmless, yet witty, insults. We were a family again, under one roof; there for each other, loving and caring. And it felt good.As I turn towards my plate to eat another forkful, I could feel someone else next to my side; a warm touch of his arm next to mine as we both eat from our plates. I remember feeling comfort. I look up to see Scott smiling back at me, my ex.
Laughter consumed the room as we all continued dinner, simply going through the motions. And then its time ... the day is done and its time for Scott to leave. He has a long drive ahead of him. And I stay behind.
Moments later, after his departure and as I am now heading on my way back to my home, I get into a car accident.
I wake in a hospital, alone ....
Such odds dreams lately.
Weekend Update with LoneWolf
This past weekend, was all in all a weekend, lol. I really don't know how to explain my events these days. But when one works a week, mixed hours ranging from opens to closes for a restaurant, and actually has weekends off (imagine that for the restaurant industry) .. the weekends are definately worth waiting for. And a time you really want to relax if not busting lose. Anyways, mine was a lil bit o both.
Friday, FINALLY Watched Children of Men ... wow. And Smokin Aces, unnecessary violence makes it VERY necessary for me to watch. If you love action that hints towards gore, then Smokin Aces is for you. If complex storylines and complex twists just aren't for you, then skip it.
Saturday; karaoke and meeting with a friend. God she is an amazing singer, self trained too .. lucky bitch, lol.
Sunday: SPIDERMAN 3 ... YOO HOO. Very dark in the Spiderman franchise, but when you consider the origin of his black suit, it kind of has to be. I loved that it was heavy in the CG effects.
And now .. here I am. Weekend done, still awake at 1:30 in the morning when I have to work at 9am ... And I've decided that I am now going to look for a job. I mean, my restaurant is having renovations done so I would have to look for another job anyways, and I can't STAND my manager and assistant kitchen manager since they like to leave early and have excuses for everything and anything imaginable (plus, I'm a hands on type of management kind of guy whereas they dictate and delegate). So, I will be leaving soon. But at least I get to leave with a title on my resume, lol. Here's to job hunting ... CHEERS.
PS: I bought a basketball ... one sport I was never really good at but still loved to play. AND (I feel like a goof for this), apparently there is a basketball hoop just around my apartment building, lol. Here's some pics .. hope your weekend was great. Have a good monday.
PSS: These are not my pics, just a few more my favs from Flickr.com
Friday, FINALLY Watched Children of Men ... wow. And Smokin Aces, unnecessary violence makes it VERY necessary for me to watch. If you love action that hints towards gore, then Smokin Aces is for you. If complex storylines and complex twists just aren't for you, then skip it.
Saturday; karaoke and meeting with a friend. God she is an amazing singer, self trained too .. lucky bitch, lol.
Sunday: SPIDERMAN 3 ... YOO HOO. Very dark in the Spiderman franchise, but when you consider the origin of his black suit, it kind of has to be. I loved that it was heavy in the CG effects.
And now .. here I am. Weekend done, still awake at 1:30 in the morning when I have to work at 9am ... And I've decided that I am now going to look for a job. I mean, my restaurant is having renovations done so I would have to look for another job anyways, and I can't STAND my manager and assistant kitchen manager since they like to leave early and have excuses for everything and anything imaginable (plus, I'm a hands on type of management kind of guy whereas they dictate and delegate). So, I will be leaving soon. But at least I get to leave with a title on my resume, lol. Here's to job hunting ... CHEERS.
PS: I bought a basketball ... one sport I was never really good at but still loved to play. AND (I feel like a goof for this), apparently there is a basketball hoop just around my apartment building, lol. Here's some pics .. hope your weekend was great. Have a good monday.
PSS: These are not my pics, just a few more my favs from Flickr.com
Thursday, May 03, 2007
On no path
ok, so its been awhile since I posted .. and the last two posts ... well, lets just say I have a thing for the dramatic when I'm feeling down.
LAST POST ... yes I miss home, and yes it has been proven dangerous to live there. But its still home. Loved ones still live there, and forever will (its a reservation thing *shrugs shoulders* .. really don't know how to explain it). So, I deal.
Anyways, moving on ...
I've been wanting to go to school for quite some time. And everytime I apply, something happens that makes sure I don't get in or even finish the application proccess. This time, its ALL MY OWN FAULT. That sucks .. why, cause there's no one to blame, lol. Anyways, I've been giving my time to work and friends and giving and giving and giving that I hadn't taken the time needed to work towards my own goal. Helping everyone out so much that I wasn't helping myself. And now, the application deadline for my program has passed and my portfolio for it is nowhere near finished. Maybe thats the way to be .. it still sucks though, cause I really hate my job and REALLY want to get back into school.
But even so, I did get some things done. For the porfolio I was to do some Digital Photography to demonstrate my skills. I really don't know if I'm good or anything, I don't really have a camera that I want ... but its still something. The following were what I was going to use .. now, they have been copyrighted .. or copywritten, whatever the proper way is .. here they are.
And yes .. they are actually pictures.
LAST POST ... yes I miss home, and yes it has been proven dangerous to live there. But its still home. Loved ones still live there, and forever will (its a reservation thing *shrugs shoulders* .. really don't know how to explain it). So, I deal.
Anyways, moving on ...
I've been wanting to go to school for quite some time. And everytime I apply, something happens that makes sure I don't get in or even finish the application proccess. This time, its ALL MY OWN FAULT. That sucks .. why, cause there's no one to blame, lol. Anyways, I've been giving my time to work and friends and giving and giving and giving that I hadn't taken the time needed to work towards my own goal. Helping everyone out so much that I wasn't helping myself. And now, the application deadline for my program has passed and my portfolio for it is nowhere near finished. Maybe thats the way to be .. it still sucks though, cause I really hate my job and REALLY want to get back into school.
But even so, I did get some things done. For the porfolio I was to do some Digital Photography to demonstrate my skills. I really don't know if I'm good or anything, I don't really have a camera that I want ... but its still something. The following were what I was going to use .. now, they have been copyrighted .. or copywritten, whatever the proper way is .. here they are.
And yes .. they are actually pictures.
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