Swaggering

The retching smell of weeks old body odor nearly nailed me to the floor the first time I past him. Nauseating, head-ache inducing, dizziness causing; the perfect first impression if one wants to be remembered for life. I remember passing him vividly through the Plus 15, a series of walkways connecting all of downtown Calgary. I was almost at work as I started approaching him, and knew instantly that we was walking to nowhere. His swagger indicated directionless, just walking. From a distance I could see the dirt on his pants as he swaggered left and right, hands in pockets and head bowed. He wore a zipped up navy blue hoodie with the hood covering his head. And as he continued heading in my direction, he seemed to be unnoticed by everyone else who passed him, and worse .. he probably knew it.

Of course, in the Plus 15, the walkways are literally a second home for lawyers and CEO's and System Administrators. The Plus 15 is where the upper and middle class of society gather so that they do not have to walk the streets below. A perfect getaway from panhandlers and the homeless asking for cigarettes.

I saw him for a brief moment and then continued on my thinking as to what my plans were for that evening. I hadn't approached him yet, but knew that when I did he'd probably ask for some spare change, and I would do what I usually do; pretend to be in deep thought and look as if I hadn't heard him. Step by step we inched closer as I prepared myself for the moment I would ignore, and as I anticipated his begging upon our initial approachment; the body odor of complete hopelessness pushed me aside. After our passing, it was all I could think about.

This happened months ago.

I passed him again yesterday, wearing the same clothes, swaggering the same swagger. The smell of weeks old b.o. isn't as present as it first was ... but nevertheless his demeanor of dispair is still clearly there.

And one thing I had notice from our first initial meeting, and one thing that continues to this day when I pass him in the halls is that he doesn't ask for anything.