I Don't Date

I've just come up with the realisation that I don't date. Throughout my life, I've only been one two dates, both with the same guy. I wonder what this means? It's definately not because of not having any prospects. Apparently there are quite a few guys interested in me, or so I've heard (I've also come to the realisation that I'm aloof when it comes to guys showing interest. I'm totally oblivious to it). But, I realised that I don't date.

Maybe its just a definition thing. Dating implies to me a judgement call ... and I try to steer from judgements. I just don't like telling people they just don't do it for me. But then again, if they don't do it for me, then why am I on a date with them in the first place? Hmmm ... I need to find the root of this.

So what is dating? For me, its spending time with someone to see if you really like each other. And if you already hooked up, then it would be finding out if you can actually spend time with each other and making sure that sex isn't the only thing you have to offer. So ... why don't I date? Well ... I have no money nor food (to cook at home) to offer. I was going to go to law school ... but I just recently changed my mind. Maybe thats it ... maybe I just want to establish myself. I've decided on film school instead and going into new media, but until I actually do that I will still be a wanderer. And I personally like men who are well grounded and know what they like and what they do and overall, who they are. I just don't want to find a guy to 'complete me'. I should feel complete before the relationship starts. I'm looking for someone I can share my life with. I just need a life ... ouch, that sounded harsh. But its true.

What would happen if I found someone at this point in my life? I would become friends with his friends, go where he goes, follow what he does. And if it didn't work out, what would I be left with? NADA! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not clingy, at least I don't think so (honestly, I don't really have a basis for comparison). So if I did find someone, I'll still know that I have somethings to work out on my own. So, it wouldn't really be that bad if I did date. So why don't I date?

Maybe I just haven't found the right person yet. I've met some cool guys here and there, but the ones I've really been attracted too, couldn't get over the fact that I act older than I really am. I'm still a pup, apparently. And some just run, completely turn the other way. And they say I'm young? At least I was going to give them a chance. But ... in the end I'm not wasting time on someone who'se ... well, a waste of time. So ... I guess it all works out for me.