And I get to see HIM

NOT DEPRESSING, really. Actually endearing and sentimental ...

But first an update to yesterdays post ... Did I get drunk, Nope. Am I still an alcoholic, Yes.

So last night I gave myself a curfew. After running a few errands after work I did make my way to the bar. Was only there for 45 minutes. then left to go home. Well, that didnt last long. In fact, I left again to go play some pool at the Calgary Eagle for free pool wednesday. YAY! Hot men, free pool, more booze ... always a good time. And no I did not get drunk. More booze yes, but did not get drunk. For I wasnt there that long. Why you ask. Simple. I got to see the guy Ive been crushin on for two months now.

I mentioned him breifly in another post. The guy I couldnt stop thinking about while in Paris, France. Him. I got to see him again. And still as sexy as ever. He invited me back to the original bar I was just at earlier, and there as per usual our flirting began. It took awhile since he was with his Daddy, but Im sure he wouldnt have minded since I knew him from before. But, I still didnt know their relationship so I played it cool. But I think I lost that cool when I gave my crush a necklace I bought him while in Germany. For the past couple of days I was actually wondering if I would see him again for it was all looking a lil iffy. And this actually goes back to when I seen him last, before my big Euro Trip.

I seen him a week before my departing flight. The usual occured, he would go out with co-workers and end up at the bar I frequent. There the flirting ensued. This time it was different though. He told me he liked me, that he really really like me. And even asked if I could be his daddy. Hell, I was all up for that. But then he asked my age. Now I am not one to lie. And when he heard, he seemed to have pull away abit. Like most, I dont think he expected me to be as young as I am. But at least he didnt run. He was caught off guard, but he stayed. We made arrangements to meet elsewhere at another date. He asked me to meet him at another bar afterhours. And so I did. But he didnt show.

Now everyone always remembers the time they get stood up, no matter who it is. If its a coffee date, you remember, a romantic evening, you remember. And no matter who you are, you feel hurt, devastated. Well, I at that time was definately hurt, and definately felt it the whole walk home. But I was only hurt because I perceived him to have pulled away because of my age. I eventually got over it. I just needed time to think about it and what it could mean. I had hoped to see him just so I could let him know what I was leaving for two weeks ... but no dice. The couple of days when I wouldnt see him had turned into a guaranteed three weeks of not seeing him. I just didnt what him to think I was mad or anything for him not showing up. I know shyte happens. And, I talked to a couple of guys who know him very well and they assured me that if he doesnt show up when he says hes going to, then something happened. sure enough, thats what happened. turns out his boss wouldnt let him leave at his scheduled time to leave.

N E Ways, three weeks of not knowing where we were at and knowing fully well that the time apart would affect what MAY have been there was torturing me. I was actually glad to be coming home when the plane finally descended. But, another week passed and I still hadnt seen him. And so I was actually holding on to this necklace for roughly a month, not knowing if I would be able to give it to him. But also knowing that I couldnt just give it to anyone else. I was meant for him. Even I couldnt wear it.

He liked the necklace and even showed it off to his daddy, who was also actually hooking up with another lad that night. So I got to see his apartment, spend time with the guy, sleep with him (and I mean literally sleep with him) and now here I am. Glad that the time that has passed since I seen him last has occured. Why. It helped me to think. I helped me to not rush into a situation blindfolded. Without him being around I was free to search myself and realise that he is my first crush and that in regards to love and relationships, I actually am young. As mature as I portray myself to be, Im still a kid when it comes to love.

I still dont know where we are at with each other. But at least I know he likes the necklace.