What’s with the fascination that our lives need to be extravagant and significant and story worthy that that mere mention of us will leave people we know and people who hear about us in awe? Why is it that every weekend we need to go out and have the best times of our lives only to work and build anticipation for the weekend throughout the week? Do we honestly need to go out EVERY weekend, attend EVERY party we can, drink EVERY drink that’s in front of us? Why is it that other people’s lives are more fascinating than our own? Why do we have this need to escape what is familiar?
I’m taking it that this rant is merely coming out of my need for something extravagant that I’m now beginning to feel with never come. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life, and in fact, when I consider everything I’ve gone through and compare it to other people I know, I may just be the story I’m looking for. For one thing, I’m a suicidal survivor who’s found a purpose to live and is, out of habit, constantly searching for other reasons to live to the point that I can look around the world and see small beauties in everyday life. I’ve learned to live on my own since I was 12 years old when my entire family abandoned me so that they can all deal with their own depression. I’ve met God, or a God and I know my life is mine to live. I’ve learned pride at 14 years of age when a group of twenty-somethings lynched me and my cousin and whacked the back of my head with an aluminum bat (I thank God they mainly hit my shoulders and bottom portion of my neck, but it did result in memory loss for a number of hours) just because I was Native. I’ve survived a few car accidents without getting a single scratch on me which is amazing when you see the aftermath of the vehicles I was in. I’m always consistently an inch away from becoming a full blown alcoholic, but I never allow myself to get there. And no matter how scary a decision may be, I still take it full force and every step of the way.
So I may not go out every weekend or always have something to do. But I thank God, or whoever is up there, that I’m alive and that choices are always in my hand. I’m thankful that I can see, I can hear, I can touch, smell, and feel. For beauty is everywhere, as long as we choose to open our eyes. I'm finally beginning to see that The extravagant event I'm waiting for in my life ... IS my life.
I’m taking it that this rant is merely coming out of my need for something extravagant that I’m now beginning to feel with never come. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my life, and in fact, when I consider everything I’ve gone through and compare it to other people I know, I may just be the story I’m looking for. For one thing, I’m a suicidal survivor who’s found a purpose to live and is, out of habit, constantly searching for other reasons to live to the point that I can look around the world and see small beauties in everyday life. I’ve learned to live on my own since I was 12 years old when my entire family abandoned me so that they can all deal with their own depression. I’ve met God, or a God and I know my life is mine to live. I’ve learned pride at 14 years of age when a group of twenty-somethings lynched me and my cousin and whacked the back of my head with an aluminum bat (I thank God they mainly hit my shoulders and bottom portion of my neck, but it did result in memory loss for a number of hours) just because I was Native. I’ve survived a few car accidents without getting a single scratch on me which is amazing when you see the aftermath of the vehicles I was in. I’m always consistently an inch away from becoming a full blown alcoholic, but I never allow myself to get there. And no matter how scary a decision may be, I still take it full force and every step of the way.
So I may not go out every weekend or always have something to do. But I thank God, or whoever is up there, that I’m alive and that choices are always in my hand. I’m thankful that I can see, I can hear, I can touch, smell, and feel. For beauty is everywhere, as long as we choose to open our eyes. I'm finally beginning to see that The extravagant event I'm waiting for in my life ... IS my life.
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