Went home for lunch today ... usually go home as I don't carry a lunch and I'm trying to NOT eat in the cafeteria (once is okay, but every day .. that costs money .. money I do not have). The funny thing about breakups is that life continues on, no matter how much one is hurt there are still bills to pay and a future to either choose or prepare for. Time waits for no man.
And I suppose with this mind, I had checked the mail. Seeing for myself what bills have been neglected and need some tending to. And what do you know ... an envelope from back home, my hometown. Didn't really state who it was from, just that it was from back home. So I opened it and pulled out a cheque for 125 bones.
It actually does feel unsettling having this amount of money at my disposal.
And next I know, a phone call ... it was the ex. As per a friends request, he's keeping in contact ... and I bless him for that. I've allowed the separation to happen on the basis that my head is messed up and I have a lot of thinking to do ... really I feel it all comes down to the fact that self-fulfilment needs to be reached before I can be in a relationship. Should one be in a relationship when one isn't truly happy nor satisfied with oneself all the while with another person intimately? I say no, simply because that one person will always seem distant and reserved because of thier own state of unhappiness leaving the significant other to assume its because of them. I couldn't do that .. so I let him go. He still calls ... and I'm grateful for that. For no matter how much my decision hurt him, I still care for him and pray nothing but good things for him. And what I need right now .. are friends. Since I've just realised yesterday that I don't have many here. A lot of aquintances, but no one I actually invite over.
Anyways, he knows how much I like sports. I love a good sweat after a work out .. I like knowing that whatever I'm doing is beneficial to my body (minus smoking which I will be overwith soon). And therefore suggested I turn to some sporting activity. I think this check is gonna go to that. I think I'll start buffin up again. Besides, I need something other than alcohol to pass the time.
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